Jumping out of the car Katie and I sprinted down to the bridge feeling excited and scared at the same time. As we approached the old rusty tin shack my dad shouted
“Do you still want to go because it’s a waste of money if you two chicken out”.
“No we’re sure” Katie and I shouted back at dad excitedly.
“Two kids passes for one jump each” The old man said with a low tone.
“Yes” I shouted out excitedly.
“That will be sixty dollars then” The old man said.
“Ok, as long as you two girls jump.”
Katie and I tucked our heads into our shoulders, worried sick.
Walking to the tin shake in the middle of the bridge Katie and I opened the door and a younger woman standing outside asked if we needed some help.
“Yes please” we said still feeling sick.
“Well my name is Stella and i’m one of the instructors here to help you enjoy your time” the young lady said in a very kind voice.
“Well i’m Sharleena and this is Katie”
“Well come on then we better get you two geared up for your big jump” Stella told us.
We all walked to the back of the tin shack and Stella started grabbing harnesses and ropes from the shelves.
“Take these out side please and lay them out neatly on the ground” Stella said.
Ok” Katie replied.
As Katie walked out her worried face followed her. Stella soon came out and I followed right behind her.
“It’s time” Stella said to us happily.
Katie and I both had scared faces as we looked back at Stella.
“It’s not that bad you two, you will be so glad when your’ve done it” Stella told us both.
“Ok” I said “let’s do this”.
As we geared up the butterflies in my stomach got worse every time I looked behind me and saw how far down it was down and because we were in Queenstown there was water, and heaps of it. Will I fall in? I thought to my self. Katie and I were now geared up and ready for jumping. Stella and a couple of others tied the bungie rope around both Katie’s and my foot.
“1, 2, 3” we shouted together.
“Ahhhhhhh Ahhhhhhh” we screamed all the way down.
“Ouch” Katie and I came to a holt, our stomachs felt stretched and we waited to be pulled back up by Stella. I am so going to Bungie Jump again I thought to my self.
Tuesday 21 June 2011
Comment: Great story Maddie, I like the way you start some sentences with words like Jumping, Walking ..
Target - Next Steps Use correct punctuation when using speech and use dialogue that sounds like how we talk e.g. Walking to the tin shake in the middle of the bridge Katie and I opened the door, a younger woman knocked on the door and asked if we needed some help. “Yes please” we said still feeling sick. “Hi, I'm Stella one of the instructors, I'll help you enjoy your time” she replied kindly. “I'm Sharleena and this is Katie” "Come on, we better get you two geared up for your big jump”! Stella responded with a smile.
Slowly walking to the back of the tin shack, Stella started grabbing harnesses and ropes from the shelves.
Tuesday 21 June 2011
Jumping out of the car Katie and I sprinted down to the bridge feeling excited and scared. As we approached the old rusty tin shack my dad shouted
“Do you still want to go because it’s a waste of money if you two chicken out”.
“No we’re sure” Katie and I shouted back at dad excitedly.
“Two kids passes for one jump each” The old man said with a low tone.
“Yes” I shouted out excitedly.
“That will be sixty dollars then” The old man said.
“Ok, as long as you two girls jump.”
Katie and I tucked our heads into our shoulders, worried sick.
Walking to the tin shake in the middle of the bridge Katie and I opened the door and a younger woman knocked on the door and asked if we needed some help. “Yes please” we said still feeling sick.
“Well my name is Stella and i’m one of the instructors here to help you enjoy your time” the young lady said in a very kind voice.
“Well i’m Sharleena and this is Katie”
‘Well come on then we better get you two geared up for your big jump” Stella told us.
We all walked to the back of the tin shack and Stella started grabbing harnesses and ropes from the shelves.
“Take these out side please and lay them out neatly on the ground” Stella said.
Ok” Katie replied.
As Katie walked out her worried face followed her. Stella soon came out and I followed right behind her.
“It’s time” Stella said to us happily.
Katie and I both had scared faces as we looked back at Stella.
“It’s not that bad you two, you will be so glad when your’ve done it” Stella told us both.
“Ok” I said “let’s do this”.
As we geared up the butterflies in my stomach got worse every time I looked behind me and saw how far down it was down and because we were in Queenstown there was water, and heaps of it. ‘Will I fall in?’ I thought to my self. Katie and I were now geared up and ready for jumping. Stella and a couple of others tied the bungie rope around both Katie’s and my foot. “1, 2, 3” we shouted together.
“Ahhhhhhh Ahhhhhhh” we screamed all the way down. “Ouch” Katie and I came to a holt, our stomachs felt stretched and we waited to be pulled back up by Stella. I am so going to Bungie Jump again I thought to my self.
Writing link
T2 Narrative Writing
Friday 24 June 2011
Jumping out of the car Katie and I sprinted down to the bridge feeling excited and scared at the same time. As we approached the old rusty tin shack my dad shouted
“Do you still want to go because it’s a waste of money if you two chicken out”.
“No we’re sure” Katie and I shouted back at dad excitedly.
“Two kids passes for one jump each” The old man said with a low tone.
“Yes” I shouted out excitedly.
“That will be sixty dollars then” The old man said.
“Ok, as long as you two girls jump.”
Katie and I tucked our heads into our shoulders, worried sick.
Walking to the tin shake in the middle of the bridge Katie and I opened the door and a younger woman standing outside asked if we needed some help.
“Yes please” we said still feeling sick.
“Well my name is Stella and i’m one of the instructors here to help you enjoy your time” the young lady said in a very kind voice.
“Well i’m Sharleena and this is Katie”
“Well come on then we better get you two geared up for your big jump” Stella told us.
We all walked to the back of the tin shack and Stella started grabbing harnesses and ropes from the shelves.
“Take these out side please and lay them out neatly on the ground” Stella said.
Ok” Katie replied.
As Katie walked out her worried face followed her. Stella soon came out and I followed right behind her.
“It’s time” Stella said to us happily.
Katie and I both had scared faces as we looked back at Stella.
“It’s not that bad you two, you will be so glad when your’ve done it” Stella told us both.
“Ok” I said “let’s do this”.
As we geared up the butterflies in my stomach got worse every time I looked behind me and saw how far down it was down and because we were in Queenstown there was water, and heaps of it. Will I fall in? I thought to my self. Katie and I were now geared up and ready for jumping. Stella and a couple of others tied the bungie rope around both Katie’s and my foot.
“1, 2, 3” we shouted together.
“Ahhhhhhh Ahhhhhhh” we screamed all the way down.
“Ouch” Katie and I came to a holt, our stomachs felt stretched and we waited to be pulled back up by Stella. I am so going to Bungie Jump again I thought to my self.
Tuesday 21 June 2011
Comment:
Great story Maddie, I like the way you start some sentences with words like Jumping, Walking ..
Target - Next Steps
Use correct punctuation when using speech and use dialogue that sounds like how we talk e.g.
Walking to the tin shake in the middle of the bridge Katie and I opened the door, a younger woman knocked on the door and asked if we needed some help.
“Yes please” we said still feeling sick.
“Hi, I'm Stella one of the instructors, I'll help you enjoy your time” she replied kindly.
“I'm Sharleena and this is Katie”
"Come on, we better get you two geared up for your big jump”! Stella responded with a smile.
Slowly walking to the back of the tin shack, Stella started grabbing harnesses and ropes from the shelves.
Tuesday 21 June 2011
Jumping out of the car Katie and I sprinted down to the bridge feeling excited and scared. As we approached the old rusty tin shack my dad shouted
“Do you still want to go because it’s a waste of money if you two chicken out”.
“No we’re sure” Katie and I shouted back at dad excitedly.
“Two kids passes for one jump each” The old man said with a low tone.
“Yes” I shouted out excitedly.
“That will be sixty dollars then” The old man said.
“Ok, as long as you two girls jump.”
Katie and I tucked our heads into our shoulders, worried sick.
Walking to the tin shake in the middle of the bridge Katie and I opened the door and a younger woman knocked on the door and asked if we needed some help. “Yes please” we said still feeling sick.
“Well my name is Stella and i’m one of the instructors here to help you enjoy your time” the young lady said in a very kind voice.
“Well i’m Sharleena and this is Katie”
‘Well come on then we better get you two geared up for your big jump” Stella told us.
We all walked to the back of the tin shack and Stella started grabbing harnesses and ropes from the shelves.
“Take these out side please and lay them out neatly on the ground” Stella said.
Ok” Katie replied.
As Katie walked out her worried face followed her. Stella soon came out and I followed right behind her.
“It’s time” Stella said to us happily.
Katie and I both had scared faces as we looked back at Stella.
“It’s not that bad you two, you will be so glad when your’ve done it” Stella told us both.
“Ok” I said “let’s do this”.
As we geared up the butterflies in my stomach got worse every time I looked behind me and saw how far down it was down and because we were in Queenstown there was water, and heaps of it. ‘Will I fall in?’ I thought to my self. Katie and I were now geared up and ready for jumping. Stella and a couple of others tied the bungie rope around both Katie’s and my foot. “1, 2, 3” we shouted together.
“Ahhhhhhh Ahhhhhhh” we screamed all the way down. “Ouch” Katie and I came to a holt, our stomachs felt stretched and we waited to be pulled back up by Stella. I am so going to Bungie Jump again I thought to my self.